If you can feel your spirit slowly dying, I implore you to make a change. A change of scenery, a change of friends, a change of music, whatever. Whether it’s online or in your community, seek out crazy, like-minded individuals who lift you up and not tear you down. Whatever it takes for you to keep chasing your dream, do it.
Never give in, never give up, never surrender.
You may not think too highly of yourself but God sees what you can be and not what you are. If you can grab hold of that, and then begin to seek His will for your life, it'll absolutely rock your world. Don't settle for second best. You're better than that. God believes in you and so do I.