I’m gonna be a bit more vulnerable here than normal.

418 days have passed since my 10-level spinal fusion surgery, and as I’ve previously written, recovery has been pure hell some days. It’s much better now, for the most part, but the nerves and muscles in my back and legs were dead for so long that my nervous system “coming back online” is taking longer than I’d hoped.

I can walk much further than I could last year, but to be honest, it’s still a purposeful act when I walk. What I mean is that walking doesn’t come naturally yet; as I walk I have to think, “Keep your spine straight, don’t slouch, keep moving…” When you see me walk, in my head I’m probably doing an Army count, telling myself to keep walking:

“One, two…left, right, left, right…that’s right, keep going…”

Some times are harder than others, however, and that’s the case today. Let me briefly explain.

You ever have one of those projects you’ve tried to accomplish for years, but every time you’re close to getting it done, an unexpected event or bill hits you that takes the money? So you start saving again, looking forward to the day when you can do it.

My beautiful wife Laura and I have been trying to have French doors installed going out to our back deck since we bought our house in September 2019. Every time we’d have the money, though, we’d end up putting it toward a car repair, a leak somewhere, a hospital visit or some other unexpected life event. Well, finally, last week we completed this project.

Now our grandkids don’t have to ask Poppy (that’s me) or Nana (that’s Laura) to open the old sliding door for them; they can literally walk up to the door and open it themselves. It’s a small thing, but makes us happy.

Last Friday, the doors were delivered. I decided to follow the advice of my doctor, who said unless I do something ridiculous like try and lift 500 pounds, I’m not going to damage my newly fused spine. She said I’d be sore as I use muscles I’ve not used in years, but I won’t permanently hurt myself.

My son was at work, so my daughter-in-law Maria and I helped the young man who delivered the doors carry them into the house. To those who are used to carrying such heavy weight, I’m sure it would’ve been a simple chore, but to me it felt like we were trying to move a half-ton boulder or something. MAN they were heavy!

I had to lie down afterward for a bit, and my shirt was literally drenched in sweat, but we did it, and they were installed a couple of hours later. We love them.

I’m still paying the price for moving them, however. My back is killing me, but it’s not like the old days; I didn’t “throw my back out” (which is the only way I could ever think to describe when I would mess my back up so bad it would put me in bed for 3 days). This is muscle soreness, in both my back and legs. It’s a different kind of pain, and I can deal with it.

My point is this: walking hurts, but I have to keep going.

Some of you know what I’m talking about. Even “walking through life” hurts you, doesn’t it? Every day you get up with a sigh and have to talk yourself into even getting outta bed.

Yeah, I get that…

But lemme tell you: obviously you’re doing something right because you’re still here. “Walking” hurts, but you still get up every…single…morning and do it. And for that you should be commended.

Yeah, I’m proud of ya.

Keep walking, even when it hurts.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my surgery recovery is this:

NEVER STOP MOVING.

Things get tricky sometimes, trying to get my body back into shape after decades of being nearly invalid, but if I stop moving, that’s when the pain REALLY sets in. My dad will say, “Sit down, Rob! Rest! Stop pushing yourself!” Well, I can do that for a short time, but then I gotta get up and get moving again.

The key to not giving up and giving in to the dark thoughts that plague me in the night is to never stop moving. Never stop walking, never stop laughing, never stop playing with the grandkids, never stop reading my Bible, never stop going to work, never stop taking Laura (my little princess) on dates, never stop hoping and dreaming…

Never stop living.

So my advice is simple today, and I’m gonna steal a quote from Sir Winston Churchill:

“Never give in, never give in, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty.”

Keep walking, my friend. We’ll get there…

Eventually.