A Note About Grief, to My Grandchildren

This is an open letter to my 10 year old grandson Joshua and 5 year old granddaughter Jenna, who just lost their dad’s dad, Grandpa Don Cockrum.

Well, in a word…death sucks. Think about when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead; He knew He was about to raise His friend back to life, and still He cried. So that tells us it’s perfectly natural, even “human,” you might say, to grieve. I’m so, SO sorry you lost your grandpa! People will try to tell you things like, “He’s in a better place” and “He’s no longer in pain,” which is true, since he stayed true to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. So, YES, in a better place, but guess what?

That doesn’t help YOU right now. Joshy, I was exactly your age when I lost my Grandma Snow. She was the sweetest woman on Earth, and I was heartbroken when she died. At that young age, I just couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that I’d never see her again on this planet.

Is she waiting to reunite with all of us in Heaven? Is she proud of what I’ve become, and of you all, my amazing family? You BET she is, but that doesn’t make me feel any better right now.

Grief is a moody beast, and it’ll hit you at the weirdest times. You’ll be hangin’ out somewhere, havin’ fun, and then it’ll hit you:

“Grandpa’s dead…”

It does get easier, but in my opinion, if you love with your whole heart and soul (like our family does), you never “get over” losing someone you love. There’s never “closure,” there’s only living with it. So that’s what we must do.

I’m not making this about me at all, but you guys know how bad your Poppy hurts all the time. The chronic pain in my back, hips and legs gets nearly unbearable at times. But you know what makes me feel so much better?

You.

That’s right, hangin’ out with you guys. MAN, that makes me laugh, and totally gets my mind off the pain.

I mean, just look at your smiling faces! How can it not just warm Poppy’s heart to spend time with both of you? You make my heart smile.

Again, this is not about me, I’m just trying to let you know that LOVE will get you through this: the love of family, the love of laughter and of LIFE in general, and mostly, the love of God. Check out these amazing verses from Hebrews:

‭‭ “We must never stop looking to Jesus. He is the leader of our faith, and he is the one who makes our faith complete. He suffered death on a cross. But he accepted the shame of the cross as if it were nothing because of the joy he could see waiting for him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne. Think about Jesus. He patiently endured the angry insults that sinful people were shouting at him. Think about him so that you won’t get discouraged and stop trying” (Hebrews‬ ‭12:2‭-‬3‬ ‭ERV‬‬).

Did you catch that? When Jesus was on Earth, He survived all the horror of the Cross by always keeping His mind set on where He was headed: HEAVEN. He never forgot about Heaven, kept His mind on it at all times, and that got Him through. So it must be with us; we have to remember the glory days in store. Think of all the relatives waiting for us there! From Rosalee to Gigi, Papa Suits, Uncle Bill, Aunt Lynda, Uncle Kenny, Uncle Alan, Uncle Jim, Aunt Brenda, Aunt Sue (both of them!) and on and on.

While thinking of Grandpa in Heaven won’t assuage your anguish, keeping Heaven in the front of your mind all the time will help you to keep your priorities straight, and get you through tough times. There will always be pain in this life, but it’s temporary.

I’ve watched you guys fight back from sickness and injury, and though I’m sure it felt it would kill you at the time, it didn’t. You made it through, and you’ll survive this as well. The twin warriors, LOVE and having a HEAVEN MIND-SET, are the best retaliation I’ve found against the dark.

And when the time comes, we’ll tell our little guys, Davey and Jamison, the same thing. You’ll make it through this, and then can pass on to our little dudes how YOU made it. You’ll be able to put your arm around them and say, “Well, I remember when Gigi (Grandma Suits) passed away,” or “When Grandpa Cockrum died, it was hard, but I made it.”

Nana and I love you both so much, and are here for you! You’re gonna be just fine, and we’ll be there every minute to make sure of it.

With all the love I possess…

Poppy