I’ve struggled with chronic pain and the emotions stemming from it (namely depression and anger) for over three decades, but the anxiety thing; yeah, that’s new.
I have people in my family who have literal anxiety disorders, and I’m not comparing myself to them AT ALL. But the last couple months I’ve been waking up anywhere from 2:00 – 4:00 am, and suddenly can’t get back to sleep. My brain won’t stop reminding me about whatever was stressing me out the day before. It just rolls around my head, keeping me awake, even though I’m so exhausted I can’t keep my eyes open.
Like a hamster on a wheel, my brain just won’t shut down. Today, however, I’d had enough, and had myself a good cry.
I guess that would seem somewhat shocking to some, seeing as I’m a 265-pound, action/horror/thriller-movie-lovin’, heavy-metal-listening woolly mammoth, but no one is immune to sadness.
I just told God, “Take it, Lord. Take all this crap (yes, I talk to God like that when I’m desperate), I can’t do this anymore!”
Wow, how freeing it was! My circumstances haven’t changed one dang bit, but I sure FEEL better.
Do a quick Google search for “people who cried in the Bible,” and you’ll find many examples of people just like you and me, letting out all their emotions in an attempt to free themselves of darkness.
I don’t even know exactly why I’m sharing this with you, honestly. It’s not because “it’s time to write again,” because I don’t put myself on a certain writing schedule with this blog. This way, when I DO write, it’s from the heart, and not because “it’s that time again.”
I know many of you are storing up darkness, perhaps afraid to let it out. Maybe you’re scared of exactly what might happen if you let your brain go there. “Too much hurt,” you say. “Too much HELL. Too much darkness. Just can’t go there,” you may be thinking.
Well, let me encourage you:
Just do it. Cry. Let it out. Get alone and scream if you have to, but let it out. Stop holding it in, because that’s not healthy.
Remove the “happy mask,” and just be honest with God. He knows how you feel anyway, so why hide it? How are you going to hide something from the your Creator? How can you shield ANYTHING from the One who knows every hair on your head (or your BEARD, if you’re bald like me)?
How can you hide ANYTHING from the Lord? You can’t, so dig deep and let all that darkness out.
Regarding my little “episode” today, I can’t even tell you how much better I felt afterwards.
I felt so good, in fact, that I gathered a bunch of quotes and Bible verses about crying, to try and help prove my point:
“You know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.” — Lemony Snicket,The Bad Beginning
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” — Charles Dickens
“The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.” — John Vance Cheney
“Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.” — Antoine Rivarol
“Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots.” — Elizabeth Gilbert,Eat, Pray, Love
“Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away. Just let it out, my friend.” — Terri Guillemets
“(Crying) opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes, and softens down the temper; so cry away.” — Charles Dickens
“What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.” — Jewish Proverb
“He does not weep who does not see.” — Victor Hugo
And now the Bible verses:
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” Jesus, as spoken in John 14:27
“Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer.” Psalm 94:19
“Anxious hearts are very heavy, but a word of encouragement does wonders!” Proverbs 12:25
“Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” Joshua 1:9
“So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.” Matthew 6:34
“Encourage those who are afraid. Tell them, ‘Be strong, fear not, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you.’” Isaiah 35:4
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; he protects me from danger—whom shall I fear?” Psalm 27:1
“Give your burdens to the Lord. He will carry them. He will not permit the godly to slip or fall.” Psalm 55:22
And the one which means the most to me lately:
“You have seen me tossing and turning through the night. You have collected all my tears and preserved them in your bottle! You have recorded every one in your book.” Psalm 56:8
Just my thoughts for the day.
Many blessings, my friend.