While Christians argue over whether Halloween is evil or if Kanye has ulterior motives, people are dying. While we bicker over music and movie choices, some are hanging themselves in the garage or the closet. As we waste our time trying to convince someone our personal convictions should be THEIR gospel, others are stealing their mom’s pain pills to overdose or shooting themselves with their dad’s pistol.
Here are just a few of the many suicide messages I found online, from the broken, disenfranchised and hurting. Some of these were literal suicide notes from people who passed, and others are from people who lived to fight another day…so far:
It’s easy for us to say “reach out!” and “call a suicide hotline!” but as another blogger wrote, “The worst part is feeling paralyzed in the pain…everyone always says to reach out, but sometimes it just feels like if I talk about how lost I am, the very last thing holding me together will fall apart and I can’t make myself take that leap…even for help, because I’m just too afraid I’ll fall short of the other side. And when I fall short, I die.
“I can’t see a safety net at the bottom of that abyss. I can’t trust it’s there. If I can’t see it…I can’t move. To reach out…you have to move.”
When I tried to kill myself, I wasn’t thinking “suicide note.” I wasn’t thinking of all the ones I’d leave behind. I wasn’t thinking “reach out for help.” I wasn’t thinking of suicide hotlines. Heck, I wasn’t even thinking “death.”
I was merely thinking, “Make the pain stop.”
So, if this is you, if you’re out there, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, afraid to tell someone, for fear that even MOVING will push you over the edge, I’d like to encourage you by saying YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Hang on, please. As a Christian, it’s easy for me to say “read the Bible,” “Jesus loves you,” “talk to a preacher or counselor,” and “I’ll be praying for you,” but as a suicide survivor, I know those are empty gestures. Let me assure that it DOES get better.
This doesn’t have to destroy you. Please, don’t give up.
I love ya. I really do, because I AM you. The only reason I’m a Christian today is because Jesus is the ONLY light I’ve ever found in a very, VERY dark world.
As I’ve stated in a previous blog, I’ve always been a rebel, and now I rebel against the darkness which tries to suffocate the souls of humankind. If I hadn’t found the LIGHT, I would simply let you get swallowed up in your darkness.
But this is not the case. Please, just don’t give up. Not today.
Someday, suicide, depression, shaming, bullying, anxiety and the like will be damned to Hell forever. I live for that day. But for NOW, we keep fighting.
Blessings. I’ll talk to you soon.