There Was Jesus

This song, There Was Jesus, by Zach Williams, really moves my spirit.

I can say with all certainty that this has also been my experience.

When I was molested as a child, and a seed was planted which sprang forth vines that wrapped themselves around my spirit, nearly destroying me, there was Jesus. 

When I started experimenting with drugs as a preteen, there was Jesus. 

When I labored through my problematic and suffocating high school years, pretending to be the committed Christian, while partying and rebelling against everything, there was Jesus. 

When I turned my back on God, and ran away as hard as humanly possible, there was Jesus. 

When my wife and I split up and I felt my whole world was falling apart, there was Jesus. 

When we reunited, beginning anew, there was Jesus. 

Even with my amazing family by my side, as my depression sunk to such lows that I felt I would die, there was Jesus. 

When my mind finally snapped and I attempted suicide, there was Jesus. 

When I laid my head down on a pillow that night, not expecting to wake up, there was Jesus. 

As I slept, fitfully, while my body should’ve been shutting down, there was Jesus. 

When I woke up the next day and was taken to the emergency room, there was Jesus. 

When they pumped my stomach, and found NOTHING, and I realized God had preformed a miracle, obliterating the poison which should’ve killed me…there was Jesus. 

When I dissolved to tears in a heap on the floor a few months later, feeling lost and alone, there was Jesus. 

As my body began to turn on me, and the pain increased, day-by-day, year-by-year, there was Jesus. 

When I went through my first back surgery, there was Jesus. 

When I suffered pancreatitis eight times—and subsequently, eight hospital stays—in two years, there was Jesus. 

As we desperately searched for the reason for the attacks, finally discovering it, never to experience it again, there was Jesus. 

When I went through my SECOND back surgery, there was Jesus. 

When I lost my career as a locksmith and thought my whole world had come crashing down, there was Jesus. 

When I slowly found my way, taking a job in a TINY cubicle in a call center, there was Jesus. 

When I decided to use the time to my advantage and returned to college, there was Jesus. 

When I finished my Bachelor’s Degree, and then my Master’s Degree, there was Jesus. 

When I was searching for my calling and eventually FOUND IT, there was Jesus. 

As my chronic pain has increased from year to year, there was Jesus. 

When I’ve felt the pain, anger and depression get so bad I thought I’d surely lose my mind, there was Jesus. 

Through the raising of two amazing kids, and later, the births of two equally amazing grandkids, there was Jesus. 

Thank you Jesus, for always being there for me, even when I spat in Your face. Even when I cursed You. Even when I begged You to let me die. Even when I accused You of not caring, and of leaving me alone in the desert.

Yes, Lord, at every turn, You’ve been there. Even when I didn’t want You.

I guess I’m just trying to say…thank You.