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Stumbled on this “free writing exercise” from a couple years back and thought I’d share it with you.

Funny story; I was in great pain that day, ticked off at the Devil for all the havoc he’d been causing in my body and in my family. So instead of crumpling into a useless heap of tears, I put on one of my favorite Christian heavy metal bands, Impending Doom, put my earphones in, cranked up the music as loud as I could stand it, closed my eyes and started banging away at the keyboard.

It was a free-flow of thought and I poured all my vengeance into the words. I didn’t even read it until I was done.

What you’ll read below was knocked out in about 10 minutes. I present it unedited and unrevised.

It was the warcry of a tortured and angry soldier, resolving himself to never give up, never give in, never surrender.

Journal Entry

September 17, 2015

“You better pray you can silence me because the Devil himself could not.

I stand amazed and unashamed before our Lord, ready to do His bidding. He fills my cup with flame and steel so that I may be a wrecking ball to the forces of evil. The most dangerous man on Earth is the one who is in-filled with God’s holy presence and laughs at the dark.

Jesus, MOVE in the lives of unbelievers; be the hammer of justice to the damned and the Blood of the Lamb to believers. May we stand with you in silence and victory.

I must go to a secret place and fight. I will wail silently and wait on God, and then laugh in triumph. I KNOW I am a child of God, and I KNOW Heaven waits patiently for me to join their ranks, as do all believers who have gone before me.

I do recall when I was younger that much pain had entered into my spirit. I didn’t recognize it as pain, but more of an unfriendly ghost, content to stare holes, daggers, through me at night. I was scared, as children should be, at the thought of dying. I believe this is still with me, that fear of dying, but not so much a physical death, but a spiritual one. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, yes, but it is still fear.

The dark spirits come at me at night, with bloody, razor-sharp teeth, screeching like heathens, desirous of my demise. I will not give in, though my soul cries like a wounded animal in the night. I will laugh at them, I will battle them, I will pull my sword from its sheath and stab it violently into the black eyes of all those who oppose me! I have lived for nearly 50 years now, and if Jesus the Christ wills it, I shall be on earth for that much yet again, at least.

I stand amazed in the presence of the one who has saved me. My angelic brethren look at me in awe, like I looked at them upon first sight, knowing I am but a little ways below them now, yet understanding it was for me Christ died and for me He bled. Resigned to the fact that they are MY servants, and will continue to be in Heaven.

I will run free, like a deer through the trees, when I arrive in my heavenly home! God will restore me! I will not be as good as I was once, but rather, will be better than I ever have been!

The precious glory and light of Christ will fire through me like lightning shooting from the throne of God himself! I will stand on the mountain top as a victor, raising my sword to the sky as lightning flashes from it. All the spirits of darkness will howl into the wind, frightened for their lives, knowing their creator can hack through them like diamonds in dust; knowing full well that I have the power to destroy them!

I will guffaw–HEARTY LAUGHTER!–in conquest, blood and bone as demons fall one by one at my feet. I will slash and gash and smash my way through Hell itself! I will pummel the spirits of darkness until there are none left! I will strip the shirt from my shoulders and allow the sun to heal my wounds, while severing demonic hordes with such ferocious intensity that God Himself will stand in shock. He will laugh at His fatigued and emboldened human servant, his little boy, his victorious warrior!

I fear NOT the dark! I fear NOT the enemy of my soul! I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand. I know He will see me through to conquest, even though it doesn’t feel like it. I know I will stand amazed in the presence of Christ, and I know He will wrap me in blankets of love. For what can man do to me?! That is because I myself am no mere man…




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