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From a Windswept, Desert Wasteland

When I was young, I pictured God as an enormous combat boot in the sky, waiting to crush me at the first sign of wrong-doing. Over the years, however, I began to see Him more as a loving, doting Father. How else can you explain a Bible verse like this?

The Lord your God is standing right here among you, and He is the champion who will rescue you. He will joyfully celebrate over you; He will rest in His love for you; exulting over you in happy song (Zephaniah 3:17).”

I know many choose not to believe, which is their prerogative. I’m not the type to make anyone feel like a fool, simply because they believe differently than I do. There’s too much of that in today’s society, especially on social media.

In a poem I wrote a few years ago, I address the idea that, technically, I have no tangible, physical proof of God’s existence, which I can merely pull from my pocket and show people. Yet, I know He is real and alive, and loves me with a passion no human can match. The poem is contained in a book my son, Trey, and I wrote in 2012: *


I can’t stand here and produce
Any physical proof of God, man
Like a row of thorn-bushes
Or a dented tin can
But I understand

 That’s what you need
You ask, “Why should I waste
My Sunday in a padded seat
Listening to stories
Of how Jesus chose to bleed?
Why? When I can wear a string of beads
Or help the street-corner hungry to feed?”

 But I know God is alive
Every vein in my body sings His praise
His blessed, joyful presence walks with me
All my days
It’s not simply a phase

 For the phase was my doubt
When I swore that, like you,
“Selfish pleasure is what life is about”
It took me going through
A frightful, spiritual drought
Before I figured it out

 And now I smile
While you, seething, shout

If you read two of my previous blogs, “My Suicide Part 1” and “My Suicide Part 2,” you’ll see how God literally saved my life. No amount of mockery or so-called “evolutionary proof” will cause me to doubt.

Not anymore. When I spend time with the Lord, I can feel His love in my spirit. His encouragement warms my heart like a blanket on a blustery, winter night. His forgiveness is a wellspring of cool, clear water in the desert.

Go on about your day, but at least keep your mind open to the fact that He just might be real. The signs are all around you, and all you have to lose is your misery and heartache.

I’ve removed the name of “Jacob” from the following Bible verse, and made it personal, since this is exactly how I feel, and thought perhaps it might bring you joy:

“He (God) found me out in the wilderness, out in an empty, windswept, desert wasteland. He put His arms around me and took care of me; He protected me as the apple of His eye (Deuteronomy 32:10).”

* “I Bleed Dark – Poems About Pain, Life, Heavy Metal and Jesus Christ,” by Rob Weddle and Trey Weddle, can be downloaded for free from Smashwords, simply by setting up a free account. Here is the link:


This entry was posted in Pain.
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