Not Much Longer

“How much longer must I suffer?” I cry to the heavens. “This pain, God…how much longer must I endure?”

I pray and fast for weeks, months, years, desperately seeking an answer.

“How much longer, Lord?”

Finally, He responds, but as usual, not in the way I expect.

“Not much longer,” He says, and I feel the warmth of His smile. This isn’t mockery, it’s LOVE. Jesus knows I’m hurting, and He’s not ignoring me, He’s loving me through it.

With every baby’s giggle, I hear God’s laugh.

With every gesture of love from friend or family, I feel His love.

In every sunrise I hear God say, “Forget yesterday, My love. Here’s another day, which I crafted especially for you. Make the most of it. Enjoy.”

With each sunset, I feel His loving smile as He says, “Well done, My love! Rest now. Great job! I’m so proud of you.”

He sees me. He protects me, not from everything; only that which would harm or destroy. He allows that which keeps me seeking after Him. The arrows He let’s through are the ones whose sting toughens my skin.

The pain which drives me to survive is allowed to stay. He allows just enough grief to keep my heart soft, but not so much to bring about my self-destruction.

These days, when the pain is maddening, discouraging, I try to remember His smile, His warmth, when He told me…

“Not much longer.”

Embrace me, Jesus, for I am nothing without You. Hold me close, for You are my only protection from the coming fire.

How much longer must we endure?

“Not much longer.”