Struggling with chronic pain and depression for going on four decades, I’ve had my share of dark times. There are days I don’t even want to be here on this big, blue marble anymore. I don’t necessarily want to die…I just don’t want to be alive anymore. Sounds morbid to some, I suppose, but the agony gets THAT intense.
But I’ve determined I’ll never quit, no matter how bad things get. If I give up now, what kind of message does it send? “When the going gets tough, the tough…QUIT?” No thanks, I’ll stick around for a while, thank you very much, Satan.
He does have his days, however, when the darkness nearly consumes me. I’ll almost hear his raspy voice of gloom in my head:
“You’re not loved. You’re not special. You’re a loser. You’re nothing.”
The key to spiritual battle is to understand our primary weapons are prayer and the Word (the VERY WORDS) of God:
“See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know Him.” I John 3:1
The Father loves me. I am His child.
Still, the snarling whisper of the enemy claws the walls of my soul:
“You’re a failure. All your dreams are for naught. You SUCK. You’re nothing but a big, fat, load of CRAP. You could disappear from this Earth today and nobody would care.”
Oh really, you lying, thieving, scheming, miscarriage of creation? Well THIS is what my God thinks of me!
“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish.” Matthew 18:12-14
Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Jesus. Thanks for loving me when nobody else did.
So I go on about my merry way, but then begin to notice life is stagnant…BORING. What about my dreams? God said He has nothing but good things for me, is that true? And the crotchety loser returns to torment me:
“God has nothing for you. There IS nothing, there WILL BE nothing and there NEVER HAS BEEN. You are not ‘precious,’ as He would lead you to believe. You are a fool. Better to DIE.”
Well listen, Devil, you done ticked me off, because THIS is how much my Heavenly Father loves me:
“Do you know of any parent who would give his hungry child, who asked for food, a plate of rocks instead? Or when asked for a piece of fish, what parent would offer his child a snake instead? If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask Him?” Matthew 7:9-11
“You are not His child,” the enemy counters. “You are a catastrophe! You are an embarrassment! Look at that aging, bald, overweight piece of trash in the mirror. Look at him!! He’s a tragedy. He’s a disaster.”
Ending this conversation, my loving Father in Heaven replies:
“And so we should not be like cringing, fearful slaves, but we should behave like God’s very own children, adopted into the bosom of His family, and calling to Him, ‘Father, Father.’ For His Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us that we really are God’s children.” Romans 8:15-16
I’ve had enough, Satan. You’ll never convince me I’m not loved by the Father. You’ll never convince me I’m not forgiven by the Blood of Jesus. You’ll never convince me, for I know I’m special and treasured; I am not forsaken, and I am not abandoned.
I’m a child of God; an adopted son of the One True King.
That’s it and that’s all.